


where am i going?

by general_tyson



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus Clay has a crush and no idea what to do with it, Fjord is Concerned, M/M, Not Beta Read, spoilers for EP 103
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25489669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/general_tyson/pseuds/general_tyson
Summary: Some thoughts about what Caduceus wasn't saying at the end of C2E103. Spoilers ahead.**Disclaimer/Spoilers for CR2E114: This was conceived and written before confirmation of canon ace/aro Caduceus. Future fics will be written with this in mind**
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	where am i going?

**_This leads somewhere. This leads somewhere and will answer all your questions. You have to know where this goes. You have to know. You have to know right now._ **

Never one to ignore a sign, Caduceus goes. He’s far more comfortable with the water than back when they were first in Nicodranas, when the group hijacked a boat and he had to swim out to catch up with him. But being in the water here is nice. Calming. And he has a mission.

Someone’s behind him, calling his name. That can wait.

“Stop.”

Caduceus obliges, instinctually--his parents didn’t raise a rude man--but he feels like he shouldn’t. He looks around, confused, and sees Fjord swimming up to him, calling out, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I gotta go that way, it’s very important.”

“Stop! Wait--wait.”

Caduceus turns his back on Fjord, which, something about that feels odd, but before he can get anywhere there’s arms wrapping around him. Fjord’s arms. Oh, he has really nice arms. Even before the Wildmother blessed him, Caduceus liked Fjord’s arms. Somewhere deep in the back of his head a little voice goes, ‘ _Oh, that’s nice. Maybe not the situation you’ve been imagining, but still nice.’_

Another voice, louder than his:

**_He’s holding you back. He doesn’t understand. You know he means well._ **

Of course. Caduceus can’t stay here, even if he wants to. And he knows Fjord means well. He always does the best he can, and Caduceus admires him for that. Likes him for that. Caduceus wouldn’t want to hurt him. He speaks a phrase that should at least stall Fjord, but the other man twists his hands in a way that prevents it. Gods, Fjord really is getting better with his magic. He knows the man laments how infrequently he’s able to cast, but Caduceus knows his power will grow as he continues to follow the Wildmother. Shame that Fjord’s casting is getting in his way.

In casting his spell, Fjord’s arms loosen around him and the little voice in Caduceus’s head briefly mourns the loss as he swims forward.

“Why are you doing this--this is ridiculous.”

“I’ve got to go there.”

“Nothing but danger lies ahead, stop fighting me!” Fjord’s voice is now tinged with some emotion that Caduceus can’t quite identify.

Caduceus doesn’t want to fight Fjord. But he is. And it doesn’t feel as wrong as Caduceus thinks it should.

“Gotta go there.”

**_He doesn’t understand._ **

Caduceus snaps his fingers and this time his spell lands and Fjord is blinded. “Retreat,” Fjord’s voice tingles with magic as he speaks, but that doesn’t matter right now. Caduceus kind of wishes he would leave him alone--another thought that the voice in the back of his head says is out of place--but Caduceus is a man on a mission and that mission has to come first.

Caduceus continues forward as Fjord’s arms fall from where they so carefully held him, and as he continues down his path he can feel Fjord’s absence behind him. He swims on, away from his friends. Faintly behind him he can hear Fjord shouting, something about him. He sounds concerned. That’s really not necessary. Caduceus is moving in the right direction. He’s pretty sure. _‘The right way is away from your friends? Away from Fjord?’_

Caduceus shakes his head as if to banish the little voice that keeps confusing him. He can figure all that out once this mission is complete. He’s good at putting a mission before anything else. It’s gotten him this far. And the answers he’s looking for are right at the end of these tunnels.

**_You have to get there. There’s something important. And nothing will stop you._ **

Caduceus swims on.

**Author's Note:**

> I find it harder to get into Cad’s head than Fjord’s but this scene did all sorts of things to my heart.
> 
> Dialogue pulled from the episode


End file.
